Hi lads,

Back to the grind. Playtime is over, no more pissing about this year, mind…

I was quite chuffed that Santa managed to pull off a lo-fi quiet Christmas for the wean and I seeing as we were trapped in the flat for most of the last couple of weeks of school with all the germs. My kid gave me nits and a chest infection for Xmas. We checked one out under the microscope he got from Santa, weirdly hypnotic wee fellas.

Being bored in the flat finally made me sort out my little darkroom cupboard and get back to printing some black and white images. It’s been so long my chemicals had all rotted but I’d forgotten how you have to count the seconds and it keeps you present, tunes on (getting lost when the BPM and the red light seconds counter are off kilter with each other) I really enjoy the gentle process…I’d been putting it off for a very long time because I kept overwhelming myself with ideas and all the cameras but then once I got in about it I remembered that I can only process 35mm negatives and I’ve only got black and white paper and chemicals so maybes I just need some constraints then I’m off…

I’ve started shooting some self portraits and exploring my autonomy, getting back in touch with my flesh. Not to keep dropping trauma turds all over the internet but folks who follow my @solornothing page have probably noticed me grappling with seeing and expressing myself as someone with wants and desires for some time now. Or maybes it just looks like a horny midlife crisis, I donno. Maybes it’s both. Anyways, I’m slowly scratching my way out of some time in solitary confinement. Maybe I’ll write elsewhere about my experiences in more detail but for now I want to stick to dancing in the darkroom and let some of the noisy ideas loose and see where it takes me, reaping all that has been sown so far and all that.

I think the realisation you are neurodivergent as an adult is as liberating as it is frustrating. I’ve always been a bit all or nothing in relationships and that's definitely been taken advantage of a times. It’s strange to think I might not have been through some of the tougher experiences if I’d known when I was younger the huge part that often plays in emotions, thinking and behaviours. So I’m taking time to be kind to myself and hope that I can still be me but with some stronger boundaries to keep things healthier. All of these explorations are helping me to find out.

The best part of wedding shoots is connecting with people in their genuine big feelings but I’ve never tried that on myself before. Most of my work is sharing and recording other peoples’ vulnerable moments. I always learn something from the couples and the celebrants I work with, who are just the best storytellers. We’ll share more of that good stuff this year. I’ve a heap of things from last year to share and a bunch of admin to catch up on and I’ll get there one of these days. Wedding work starts for me on the last weekend of the month, with a tiny wedding for a couple of absolute legends so I’ll no doubt be a complete emotional wreck but we’re going to have a dance in the street and good times.

I owe Hannah a huge thank you, not only for making sense of all my work for the new website last year but also for masquerading as me on my wedding work page and the elopement society socials for most of the last few months of last year. I had a bit of a burnout at the end of wedding work season after having the big neurodivergent realisation along with some nasty past experiences deciding I needed to deal with them all at once. I was pretty work shy, overwhelmed and triggered to fuck but I feel like I’ve managed to get past it all and the year has started with some big laughs and lots of germs and ideas. This year I’m just doing stuff before I can overthink it all away and you can hold me to that, if you want to.

Anyways, from now on Hannah will be concentrating on The Elopement Society online as we build a bunch more connections with some local creatives and charitable organisations that support independent artists. We’ve so many ideas and collaborations to get to work on. I struggle so much with the wedding industry sheen, the whole ‘best day ever’ glossy pressure and I think we’re all skint and doing things the same way as everyone else is hella boring so maybes it’s time that we do things differently. Mostly we’ll be over here with our chat and sending our subscribers some patter and treats. You should join the mailing list if you haven’t already.

“Our whole ethos is centred on supporting local independent brands and creatives who have a strong sustainability practice, reminding couples that you don’t have to have a ‘wedding’ but you can get married however you want. There’s so many preconceived notions of what a wedding is and fuck those guys, just be you and do things in a way that represent your story together so it has some meaning and value.”

Local couples can use the spaces they hang out in on their wedding day, it doesn’t have to be a huge wildly expensive thing to be beautiful and special if you don’t want it to be. We work with loads of overseas couples who have a connection to Scotland who want to elope here and we offer an alternative to the well travelled jaunt to the beautiful highlands cos there’s beautiful spaces all over our wee country and in our local neighbourhoods. So, for now, our focus is on Edinburgh and East Lothian mainly cos I love to shoot there and it feels like home. We list our ideas as packages just to take the stress out of figuring out where to begin once you let those preconceptions go but we tailor every elopement and small wedding to suit our couples, they’re just a serving suggestion to whet yer appetite. More about all that stuff coming soon for all the new engaged folks discovering us on the internet.

I’ve started this year feeling very restless, I’m itching for some laughs and adventures.

I had fun shooting some portrait jobs at the end of the year and I’d love to do more of them this year. I always try to shoot some pre-wedding couples portraits with the folks who’ve got me following them around all day and their weddings. I also do a little bit of family portraiture and some promo and editorial shots now and again but those mostly tend to be on the move much like my events work. I’d like to slow things down and do more studio based stuff to mix things up a bit and to get the lighting gear out.

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I have some time in February to play. So pals looking for collaborative shoots or needing portraits, get in touch.

There I go, trying to avoid sitting still already…

Speak again soon xx

Oh, and the ““Won’t you visit my studio and let me perpetuate your personality?” quote is from the first female photographer to get her own studio in Hollywood. She worked with MGM, with final approval and credit for all her images, styled Garbo and Joan Crawford all in her twenties.