I’m genuinely overwhelmed by the amazing support I’m getting for my first proper solo exhibition. Thank you to everyone who’s engaging with it. It’s been a surreal and great experience to put my work out there. I’ve been working as a full time photographer for over 10 years but I’ve only exhibited work in handful of collaborative exhibitions and in wee local bars in all that time. I often tell myself that I don’t make any personal work, the imposter syndrome is strong and because I’m rubbish at discipline and routines I’ve been convinced for a long time that I just don’t make any art, that I’m just a working commercial photographer. So to say nah, fuck that, I make stuff and it has personal meaning behind the daftness of it that fills this room feels really great.

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The last few months have mostly felt amazing. From November time, when I first started working on the exhibition, there’s been a huge shift for me in lots of ways. A wee perfect storm of good things have come together from then to this point. A lot of clarity of thought and direction, a lot of shedding of layers of other people stuff that I’ve internalised. I feel really good and excited for this year.

I’ve written a bit about it being a year since I first spoke about my abusive predatory ex trying yet again to get in touch. I’ve found it quite hard to write as I didn’t really want to look backward. But I think it’s very much worth letting anyone who can relate to my past experiences who isn’t at this point yet know that it really does get way better, that you can do a lot of healing and letting go. None of that stuff defines you, contains you or minimises you. The exhibition is a middle finger to all that, it’s silly act of radical self acceptance.

NOW LOVE is open again tomorrow, noon to 6pm, closing on Friday so you’ve still got a few days to catch it if you’d like to. It’s at Agitate on William Street.

I have had to remind myself that the situations with men I’ve openly discussed in the last year I have done so because those men used violence towards me and then chose, years later, to try to come into my spaces again and so I called them out as I won’t be bullied. I’m not sat here wild for revenge or full of hate and needing to attack men. I just want some peace, to be able to take in joy and I needed to stand up for myself. The internalised and open misogyny that is everywhere can fuck right off. People who mock folks for being honest about struggles can also fuck right off too. I know what I’ve been speaking about must be triggering in many ways but that in itself is maybe something we need to talk about more over taking the piss or pushing an agenda that victim blames. To use undermining someone as social currency is boring bullshit. We’ve all had painful experiences, some of us from places of more privilege than others but it’s all valid and the more we are open the less the forces that feed off shame and guilt get to turn that pain into violence or numbing behaviours that take us away from the good stuff in life.

If you’d like to read a heavy but really grateful rant with a happy hopeful ending then click on the link below to sign in or sign up to LOST + FOUND. I’ve got a million ideas buzzing in my brains as always so I’m taking a wee while in March to see where they go…thank you to everyone engaging with my writing and my exhibition, it’s hugely cathartic and really exciting.

Oh, and if your the person trying to rob all my instagram pages you can have most of them. If you’ve figured out my old passwords for old pages congratulations, I’ve no idea. A year ago that would have stressed me the hell out. I’m also still shadow banned on @solornothing for having knees and elbows so might rant about censorship soon.

I’m also fundraising for Edinburgh Rape Crisis on my instagram page. Please donate if you can.

Thank you, I love you x