Here’s to fresh starts and new beginnings.

THANK YOU to everyone who made and came along to the resident artists’ exhibition at Out of the Blue Drill Hall. Cheers now for the dairy box too. Delicious.

It felt really good, despite being a last minute chaotic scramble to pull something together at the same time as moving studios and busy work and all the usual. I was a bit shy about putting them out there, they feel like wee bites from a feast I want to cook. It’s been sweet to hear positive things and to have conversations about how others have interpreted things too.

edinburgh visual artist solen collet, edinburgh visual art, edinburgh exhibitions, out of the blue drill hall residents exhibition, solen collet

I’ve been purposefully erratic on some of my corners of the internet of late. I’ve been smoking out the unwelcome. Can confirm they lurk like stale farts pretty much everywhere. I’ve been speaking to the platforms about safety and basically they don’t give a fuck. You can’t really block them and they’ll just make a new account if you could.

So the only thing you can really do is just be more yourself and shout more for and to the people you want to communicate with. You have to learn to just ignore the fact you are also being hunted for sport by multiple predatory folk. It sounds insane to even type it but the police have confirmed to me that I am not crazy. And I don’t relish speaking to the police. Enough about all that for now. I think it’s been a necessary and annoying part of the process of letting all of those triggers for feeling unsafe go.

I’m changing up the password for folks who read Lost and Found soon and I’ll write about how recent news and experiences have helped me to find some confidence. I’m just needing some space from all of that for a bit.

Lost and Found is a private blog where I gripe and grumble a lot but usually it ends up positive and hopeful cos, well, I’m fucked if doesn’t.

sign up for lost & found

It’s been lovely to realise I’m not paranoid, (not massively) delusional, I’m not a burden, I’m not even that chaotic. I’ve just been an easy target for a lot of other people’s anger and difficult feelings and I’ve internalised a lot of it. I’ve shamed myself for the ways my body reacts now to try to make sure I’m safe. The things that people who’ve been in abusive relationships internalise and can hold on to is wild. It does create depression, anxiety, symptoms of complex post traumatic disorder but you have to learn to manage those things as best you can. Learning to stay present is a huge thing for me. I’m prone to dissociating and brain fog and all that stuff. Iyengar yoga, running, swimming in the cold sea, dancing, it’s all helping to bring me back to the present when things get a bit fuckin much, which it’s been doing a lot lately, if you read the news.

I’ve been talking a lot with friends who’ve gone through similar experiences and we all have taken a long time to unfurl the projections we’ve been convinced are ours to carry. It’s the most amazing thing to hear these pals recognise their worth finally. Very proud to know some beautiful souls who, despite true violence and untold amounts of bullshit, refuse to give in to bitterness and they just carry on being kind humble legends.

“I can accept your faulty perception of me.”

Always coming back to that powerful phrase and keeping the faith. I refuse to let any of it make me bitter either. I’m a lover not a fighter and all that.

So I’ve been gathering all this intel, these experiences and feelings to make some work this coming winter. Too many ideas, as always. But looking forward to being able to create positive things from shitty places. It’s a superpower using our creativity. I found the dafter stuff I put together for the exhibition, like my unfinished concertina book that won’t stay folded and my wee flipbook that fell apart more times than it worked, put a soppy grin on my face and that’s a nice place to be. The Drill Hall is a lush space to work from. You’ve got your own wee private space to hyperfocus and get through your workload and there’s always a friendly face in the cafe for a chat too. It’s been really good to meet new neighbours (and some pals who have spaces here), along with some folks I know who have classes in the space and friends who’ve popped by. I feel like I’m in the right place to expand and grow and be the wee weirdo I am.

Getting stuck in about finally sharing some of the summer’s work and I’ve uploaded galleries for a couple of events with the lush wee team at Aetla. I’ve more to share soon too. There’s also a couple of brand commissions and I can’t remember if I mentioned on here that there’s also a gallery of promotional headshots from a shoot with social activist and author, Emily Kenway so I’ll just say it again. Some links on the buttons below to most of the new stuff.