There’s nothing shameful in life being a double edged sword, we can write and if it touches someone, or it helps them to feel less alone then what a gift we’ve found in amongst the chaos.
Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage
Meet Cori, of Makeup by Cori who is taking part in my ‘Unhelpful Words’ project… Cori is a big fan of Bill Murray, puns and she tells really very incredibly lame jokes. These are facts.
I promised to gather the troops and launch an attack on the stresses of wedding planning. So we’re easing in gently to this whole sharing thing with a wee bit from Aunty Cori about self care in the planning stages and the nervy hours before the ceremony.
This is Cori of Makeup by Cori (highly recommended FYI) taking part in my ‘Unhelpful Words’ project… Cori is a big fan of Bill Murray, puns and she tells really very incredibly lame jokes. These are facts.
Peep some magic from when Cori and I collaborated on an editorial shoot a wee while back >>
I promised to gather the troops and launch an attack on the stresses of wedding planning. I think all makeup artists and hairdressers are therapists as they tend to have heard it all before and have great advice. So we’re easing in gently to this whole sharing thing with a wee bit from Aunty Cori about self care in the planning stages and the nervy hours before the ceremony. Here’s what she had to say…
““In terms of self-care, if you’re feeling that things are starting to get on top of you then take some time to work out what’s causing you to feel like this. If I’m feeling low, stressed or overwhelmed then I find that it really helps to remove myself from a situation and take some time to myself and try to remember what’s important. Also, talking to people helps.
I’m currently working hard on not feeling guilty about taking time to relax (even though it’s my favourite thing to do)! It’s ok to do nothing and you should make time to do it, whether it’s just having a lie down, reading a book or sitting in your pants all day eating ice-cream and watching trashy TV – don’t feel guilty!
On the wedding day, delegation is the key! You want to sit back and relax so make sure your bridal party know what the schedule is and what tasks they need to do before you walk down the aisle. It’s really important everyone knows when they’ve to be in the makeup chair and when they need to be ready.””
Things that help me when I feel overwhelmed include taking some time to scribble down how I feel to help process it as it often turns out to be past experience triggering stresses. I like making crap collages or printing photos as cyanotypes as I find tactile things calming and they usually end up sketching out my anxieties. I also go for a wander on the beach, jump in the North Sea, go to the modern gallery to stare at some paintings for a bit, make a list of small achievable tasks and pick 3 for that day and leave everything else to later. I’m planning on getting better at naps.
There’s a whole heap of other advice and some chats about sustainable wedding planning, body positivity and all sorts coming soon from some ace humans, so sit tight…In the meantime, here’s some stuff I’ve been watching/reading/listening to lately that’s helped me chill the fuck out…
I’m obsessed with Brene Brown. I recently revisited her original tedtalk on vulnerability and there is a Netflix special about her, go watch and tell me her earrings aren’t prawn crackers…Anyway, I’m deep into her book, Daring Greatly, which I’m loving. It’s like having a coach with a spit bucket and towel by your side at all times.
Raw Milk : A podcast which is great for self employed creatives but I think also has some really useful episodes for helping those navigating the stresses and anxieties of planning a major event like a wedding. In particular, there is some great advice about prioritising when you are facing burn out or your mental and physical health are struggling to keep up with deadlines.
The episodes Navigating Anxiety, Depression and Procrastination as a creative entrepreneur and Connecting to your Spirit through creativity with the painter Satsuki Shibuya discuss learning to say no, learning to recognise your own patterns and what you need to do to cope, how to organise around your strengths and reverse engineering the big goals into small achievable tasks as a way of dealing with overwhelm. I’d recommend these to anyone, they’re not as dry as they sound!!
Also, if you enjoy comedy gold featuring pop stars from the naughties I’d recommend paul _ danan _ official on instagram cos it’s actual genius.
And dinny even get me started on my new addiction of swimming in the Firth of Forth cos that’s a whole big rant in itself…so I’ll no doubt write that soon.
x
More Wedding Ponderings
You’ll find more thoughts on confidence, emotions and choices amongst other important things on our wedding journal. Hop over and have a read — if there’s anything you think you’d like to share, or have us talk about, get in touch.
Do the Earth a favour, don’t hide your magic
Audrey and I worked together in a previous life at Electric Circus. I’ve photographed her beautiful face while chatting to her beautiful soul many times too. So it is really great that she is one of the first few folks to participate in my Unhelpful Words portrait series.
“Do The Earth A Favour, Don’t Hide Your Magic”
First published pre-pandemic, which feels like about 5 lifetimes ago…
So last time I started a wee introduction to sharing some stuff from yer actual genius wedding industry suppliers with a wee bit about how Cori from Makeup by Cori deals with anxious times. Next up is Audrey Barnes.
Audrey and I worked together in a previous life at Electric Circus. I’ve photographed her beautiful face while chatting to her beautiful soul many times too. So it is really great that she is one of the first few folks to participate in my Unhelpful Words portrait series.
When i asked Audrey a few questions about dealing with anxiety and stress when event planning, inclusivity at weddings and the like, she sent me just the best answers that she’s going to have to be a blog post all on her own cos (although she said I should) I don’t want to edit that shit down….so for now, here’s a wee introduction to what she does now and why she took part in the portrait series. Her super helpful and insightful event chat will be coming soon and you’ll find it totally useful, I promise.
Hey! I’m a wee tech and creative industries nerd, with a background in events, content creation, design, organisational strategy, and intercultural communications – championing equality and inclusion where ‘ere I go!
You can find me at workshops and events, as an organiser, facilitator, and/or visitor. Or, hanging out in the digital space, writing about, cheering on, and celebrating the ways we can bring joy to more folks in the world.
My unhelpful words portrait – aside from being a wonderful opportunity to collab with one of my favourite creatives – was a message for us all on being gentle with ourselves, in world that pushes us for constant productivity and perseverance. That’s why I chose the word ‘Resilient’ – a word that gets thrown around a lot by “motivational” folks, and those congratulating others when they accomplish great things despite the odds.
While often there’s good intentions behind comments made to those who have been resilient, there’s a wide-spread neglect that accompanies it. A neglect to explicitly recognise the dark side of resilience. That is, the impacts of keeping going without rest, and experiences of trauma – whether they be rooted in internal or external sources.
For example – you may know, or be, someone who experienced bullying. Yet, kept going, and made a life. Perhaps succeeding spectacularly (in whatever way success manifests for you/them). People who know what was overcome may shout “Wow! So resilient!”. Seeing you as strong, and a person to turn to for advice and/or support, since you come with wisdom as a result of your journey. This can be very unhelpful when we don’t slow down to check in, recognising that the memories and impacts of things remain, weighing down possibilities for genuine joy and health.
If you have a resilient friend who you can turn to, that’s so friggin’ wonderful! But make sure you recognise the cost for them – they need rest, compassion, and a person to turn to, too. If you are that person, be kind to yourself. Remember “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm” – good boundaries and the timely saying of “no” is a gift to all around you.
We all have mental health, we all have times of struggle and I think the more we make discussing our mental health commonplace the better for everyone, wherever they’re at. Aye, so…email me if you’d like get involved in the portrait project.
Busy times around here with stuff and things…But what Audrey says about stepping back and slowing down to check in with things is totally true and something I’ve been making a wee bit of time for in amongst all this photographing and typing and pacing about my beach as I do…I’m reading Inward by Yung Pueblo just now and it’s blowing my tiny preoccupied mind. So insightful and I feel zen as heck after a few of his words about letting go of past emotional pain and learning to fully understand ourselves. Follow him on instagram and get in about his stories as he posts daily ‘3 thoughts’ stories which are just the bees knees.
Jeezo, I could rant on, I have much to say and share but I need to pace myself cos we only just talked about that.
x